My Coaching Story
One night, you were washing your face before bed and realized that you didn’t recognize yourself anymore. In that moment, you saw just how much you were working to satisfy the needs of everyone else but your own.
You know, people pleasing. Saying yes, forgetting about your own life because you continue to put everyone else first.
It’s not that you didn’t enjoy it or find it fulfilling in some way, but the person you expected to become when you were 18 isn’t the person you were seeing in the mirror.
What if that 18 year old version of you asked today’s version of you to sit down for a cup of coffee and and have an interview? What would she say afterwards? Would she look up to you as a role model? Or would she be disappointed?
Believe me I get it, when I was 35, I realized that the 18 year old me would have been seriously disappointed in who I had become. She wouldn’t have recognized me.
I was so worried about being selfish in pursuing my own needs that I had completely lost myself in the process. I had accepted that this is how it was and that I had to keep myself toned down.
I identified as an athlete until I went to college. I wanted to feel that way again. Someone who felt strong, independent, and unbreakable.
So I got back in the gym, just 9 years ago. I found myself falling in love with the feeling of being strong and capable again. But I was still scared of going to the gym and talking about fitness when I thought I wasn’t fit. I hired trainers and went to classes because I still doubted what my body and heart were telling me about exercise. Then a trainer and the trainers that came after her asked me one of the hardest questions I’ve ever found to answer at that time- “What’s your why?”
For years, none of the usual reasons why resonated with me.
Dropping 8 sizes was great, but it didn’t suddenly make me happy.
Being elected co-captain of my roller derby team was one of the coolest things to ever happen to me, but it wasn’t the reason I kept putting on my skates.
Getting a strict pull up after 2 ½ years of trying was amazing, but it wasn’t the reason I kept showing up at the gym.
Passing my CrossFit Level 1 was awesome, but I didn’t suddenly feel like my life had purpose.
I thought that my boys seeing me do strong things - like those pull ups - was awesome, but I was not doing this for them.
Did I not have a why?
Was I doing this whole fitness thing wrong?
Then, I was listening to a podcast one day and one of the hosts said, “Your reason why might just be because it makes you feel good.”
I started crying right there on the sidewalk as I was walking my dogs.
THAT was my why. I continue this journey simply because it makes me feel good.
Every year I've taught online, I take a back to school picture . And every year, I'm reminded about how much my life had changed from year to year.
I’ve lost weight, gained weight, been totally obsessed with the number of steps I took, calories I ate, macros I ate, and inches around my waist. I realized happiness can’t be found in a number on the scale, on your clothing, or weight on the bar. I found balance in feeling good.
And here’s the thing, it’s not selfish to feel good.
You can feel more confident in yourself.
You can fulfill your own expectations.
You can be strong.
You can do it for yourself.
As women we are told that we need reasons for chasing good feelings, but in reality we can feel good because we want to feel good. Just like that. Not because it pleases anyone else.
Over the last 9 years, I’ve tried a variety of exercise methodologies to find the one that works best for me. I tried everything that I thought fit people do. I ran, biked, stepped, danced, spun, swam, hiked, held poses. I wanted to like these things, but I couldn’t seem to find something that gave me that feeling of being myself again. I was hiding under who I thought I should be, not who I am!
Today, I can go to a party and not talk about “being bad” when I eat because I’m confident in what is best for me. I’m not afraid to go into a gym and lift heavy weights. I can pick up my boys and carry them on my back- and they are 12 and 16 years old! I am listening to my body and what it wants and needs for the first time. My physical strength has given me the mental strength to trust that who I am is someone my 18 year old self would be proud of again.
Whether it’s through accountability or personal fitness coaching. I can help you discover what lights you up and brings you joy again.
Instead of saying that you have to work out, wouldn’t you rather say that you GET to workout? You can recover the person your 18 year old self would be proud of. I’ve been coaching people for the past two years and helping them build strength and feel confident in ways they never have before.
If you want to find what makes you feel good and you want more accountability in learning how to feel good and listen to your body and heart, click here to apply for one-on-one coaching.